What do the Jazz need to reach that almighty pinnacle of an NBA Championship?
History has shown us that the beard commands attention and power.
Let us take a quick journey together...
The White Wisdom Beard: Moses knew what it would take to have people follow him: A beard (The hand of God helped as well)
The "I'm dead serious" Beard: Brother Brigham led many people through difficult times, knowing that better times were just around the corner.
The "I wish it was real" Beard: Gumdrops and dump trucks. The one beard who has heard almost as many prayers as Jesus.
High Energy Beard: Macho Man knew how to use his beard to harvest his high energy even in to his early 50's.
Been around the Block Beard: ZZ Top knew how to use their beards to become superstars. Even though they never really deserved that title.
"I Pity the Fool" Beard: This vicious combination of Mohawk and beard made us all want to drive a black van with sweet rims.
Funny Beard: Beards that didn't last nearly long enough. Their lives were short, but sweet.
That's right. Release the facial hair. Boozer got us started with his "Bald But Beardy" look during the playoffs last year. Deron followed suit with his "Team USA Serious" beard. Memo showed up to camp with his "A year older and wiser Euro Beard". And last but not least Ronnie is still sporting his High School Sophomore mustache/patchy thing. The only guy left out is AK, which is surprising because with a prominent chin like his, you'd think he do whatever it took to compensate.
I just made Beards cool: You can always raise your game a notch by showing up on a big night with one of these bad boys.
Smart Beard: Apple wouldn't be where it was today if it wasn't for the smartest most inventive beard on the planet.
So if you want to win an NBA championship, what do you do?
Let's break down each player and what beard they need in order to step their game up this season.
Needs Steve Jobs' beard for his brains and ability to adapt.
Needs Santa Claus' beard for his ability to bring out the best in others.
Needs ZZ Tops beard to quit looking like a 17 year old.
Needs honest Abe's beard to keep him true to his position and play some interior D like he is supposed to .
Needs Macho Man Randy Savage's beard to build a fire in him and keep his energy level up the entire season.
Needs a Moses' beard to get a little older and more mature.
Needs one of the 300 beards to get that killer instinct and not give into all the prime time two guards he'll be facing this season.
Needs Honest Abe's beard more than anyone in the league.
Needs Mr. T's beard to help him scare the bejesus out of anyone who steps in front of him in the paint. Ditch the little hook Booz and take it to them hard.
This guy has a little of each of these beards.
Needs a little more Moses' beard to help him make wise decisions and take a game over when needed.
Needs Jim Halpert's beard to help him become the next big thing in the NBA and get in some high profile endorsements.
Needs Conan and Dave's beard to take his interviews a little less serious and let his true funny personality come through.
Needs brother Brigham's beard to help lead Jazz Nation to Zion and the Larry O'Brien trophy.
So there you have it. Put that Barbasol away Jazz men, because we are calling out the Facial Hair Gods to smile on you and take your game to the next level.