I thought about all the thinga I hate about Tracy McGrady and decided this picture pretty much sums it up. Dear Jazz, let's not de-flower him this season. Let someone else have the honors.
(Thanks to Scott on our Live Blog for giving the link)
I conceded this game in the 2nd quarter and started writing this recap just as the 3rd quarter came to an end.Tell me if this looks familiar:
"I'm not blaming the refs per se. The Jazz knew they wouldn't get any calls. They knew that the word "charge" is no longer in the rules unless Rockets is on offense.
Let me get this straight... if Matt Harpring tries to rebound, it's a foul. Even if he has position and his hand on the ball? On the flip side, Scola can push someone in the back... step on them... kick the ball out of bounds on his own... and it's a foul on the Jazz!?!? Screw that noise."
"I'm not blaming the refs per se. The Jazz knew they wouldn't get any calls. They knew that the word "charge" is no longer in the rules unless Rockets is on offense.
Let me get this straight... if Matt Harpring tries to rebound, it's a foul. Even if he has position and his hand on the ball? On the flip side, Scola can push someone in the back... step on them... kick the ball out of bounds on his own... and it's a foul on the Jazz!?!? Screw that noise."
I figure why try and complain about the officiating when The Dream Shake has already done it for me. Those are the exact words (replacing team and players names...and an F bomb) used by The Dream Shake after Game 4. Interesting how they fit into this game perfectly. But they complain that they got hosed in Game 4. So what exactly happened in Game 5? Yeah, you guessed it. Jazz got hosed.
That was hands down the poorest performance I've seen by the Jazz in a post season game. I would have bet my soon to be born children that D-Will was going to come out like a banshee. Instead he decided to go 5-11 and 6 assists. You showed them Deron. I'm sure the state of Texas interrupted normal programming for a public service announcement on how to say your name.
Excuse me for a moment while I look at the box score to find a way I can spin this positively....
...well the 9 bench points from the entire Jazz bench was a great performance except for the fact that Bobby Jackson got that by himself. Um...the Jazz shot 36% from the field. Hey, that's better than 30% right? The Jazz scored 69 points. That's kind of cool. That's it, that's all I could find.
22-36-56. Represents two things (1) the average measurements of the average woman from Houston (I just threw up in my mouth) and (2) it was the Jazz shooting percentages from the 3 pt line, FG, and free throw line in game 5.
There is absolutely nothing positive that came from tonight's game. The Houston defense was jaw dropping. I have not seen the "potent" Jazz offense get torn apart like that this entire season. Simply put, the Jazz lost this game and Houston won it without a fight.
Sweet picture of Deron right here... Too bad it ended with him getting blocked by Mutumbo, the loose ball picked up by Boozer who passes it off Okur's back followed by Harpring picking up the ball and dribbling twice before Alston stole it and gave it to McGrady who was fouled on a 3 point shot resulting in a 4 point play. That's kind of how the entire game went.All I can say is that the Jazz have to win game 6. There is no question about it. By the way, I am watching the post game press conference and McGrady just said "MY team did well". This guy is an All-Star Flip Flopper, he puts John Kerry to shame.
Does it get any better than this picture? Yes, if McTeary had a single tear rolling down his cheek like last year. The tears will come in game 6 Treysee, they will come.Final Score: Jazz 69, Rockets 85
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@(1) the average measurements of the average woman from Houston (I just threw up in my mouth)
Really, someone in Utah making fun of Texas women? Really? I know you know better than that. Texas, California, Arizona and Florida have at least one thing in common, unparalled hot women. And Houston is no exception. Hell, look at Jacklyn Smith, she's like 80 and still a hot Houstonian.
Anyway, I loved the game, fantastic in every way. And I only bitched about one call all game and tried to be unbiased towards what could have been a foul on the Rockets but wasn't called. I counted 5 times that the Jazz absolutely should have gotten a call and didn't and 3 for the Rockets. That's not getting hosed my friend.
Oh no, I didn't say Texas women, I said those are the measurements of Houston women.
As for getting hosed? Yes we did. Probably by ourselves, but still hosed.
Dude Houston women are hot. I lived in Utah before I moved to Seattle, but I frequent Houston very often and let me tell you that I will take tanned ass over pale ass any day of the week. I'll definitely take a Hot blonde from Houston.
I have been a Jazz fan for 20 years and the 50 point beatdown in the finals was the worst playoff game ever. It still hurts me. In fact I think I just died a little inside.
CBJ, I appreciate that much like me and Dave, you guys are completely irrational when it comes to your fandom :-)
That was the most pathetic pile of steaming dog crap I have EVER seen, and I have seen a lot of crap over the years. If they don't come back and win by double digits on Friday - Well DAMNIT girls pull up your F'ing skirts and play BASKETBALL!!!
I think that I figured out who Traysee Micgradey reminds me of. He is an exact clone of Alex Rodriguez of the New York Yankees. They are both the biggest front running babies in the sporting world. You can always count on Traysee or Alex to have that big game or big hit when his team is already up and the preasure is off. They have bloated stats that almost never come in crunch time or big situations.
If the Houston women are anything like the Rockets cheerleaders then all I have to say is make sure you double bag your little buddy before taking them on a date. I swear all of the fans in the front row should go and get checked for lice after that game. Do you hold your try-outs for that squad at the local whore houses?
To the Jazz players: As of right now you are 50% dead to me. You have one more game to get me back this year because if you choke at home in game 6 I am not watching game 7 and switching to baseball mode for the rest of the summer. You should all give your salary for that game to charity, what a pathetic effort. Hopefully you did not catch the clap from their chearleeders on the way out. This I can guarantee, I will not be seeing you in Houston.
Nice post C.B. I gave up on them in the second quarter as well. Great effort. Not looking good at all. The momentum has shifted dramatically. Only the Utah Jazz can win the first two games of a series on the road and still make the series interesting. Had we lost by one, two or three even I would have had plenty of confidence going into game six. As of right now, I could easily see us blowing that one as well. If this team cannot get up for Game Six they don't deserve to be in the playoffs. Get it together boys. (Including you Sloan.)
BH, I will not stand for this talk about our lovely Rockets Cheerleaders. They are ridiculously hot, in the top 5 hottest cheerleaders in the NBA. Yes, they are in skank wear, just like your cheerleaders are. They just happen to also look good in it!
I didn't get to see the game, but I have two questions:
1. Did the T-wolves dress up in Rockets uniforms last night?
2. Was the game played in the Target Center in Minneapolis, Minnesota?
Those are the only logical explanations for the Jazz performance last night.
Uh, seriously, when you lose by TWENTY-SIX FREAKIN' POINTS, you cannot claim to be "hosed".
Uh, yes we can. We should have only lost by 15.
Hey, regarding the chearleaders, I need to rip something about the Rockets to feel better about the craptacular performance of my team. That was pretty skanky gear they had on though. Yet another reason I am mad that I dont have HD yet.
Let me know when you get that HD Hammy. I need to get a better view of the...game stuff.
Earlier this year they came out in catholic school girl uniforms, it was transcendent
Seriously guys, you rip on the women in Houston, but your best player ever has to troll for 13 year olds just to get laid?
http://realgm.com/src_wiretap_archives/52256/20080430/malone_fathered_child_with_13_year_old_while_in_college/
Now that is classic. Good thing he's from the south and not a Utarn.
This is the same guy who said he was excited to play for the city of Utah.
Stop that, Mark Eaton never trolled for 13 year olds. I assume that is who you mean by best player ever.
You are not going to get any of us to defend that hick Malone. We never really liked him that much up here any way. Except when he steamrolled Clyde to get Stockton open for the game winning shot in game 6. That was the best moving pik ever set in the history of the NBA. He was pretty cool that day.
What a piece of trash. Amazing the ‘pass’ you get if you can shoot a ball, throw a ball (see Tom Brady,) or throw a fastball (see Roger ‘pedophile’) Clemens. And these are not the only ones by any stretch. Why can’t we have more good athlete’s that are also decent human beings? Why??
Malone Fathered Child With 13-Year-Old While In College?
April 30, 2008 - 1:05 pm
Buffalo News -
Karl Malone's son is Buffalo Bills rookie offensive tackle Demetrius Bell, a 7th round draft pick.
Bell's mother, Gloria Bell, reportedly was only 13-years-old when he was born and Malone a college sophomore at Louisiana Tech. Malone might have served jail time had her family asked the district attorney to file criminal charges.
In a 1998 story in the Salt Lake (Utah) Tribune, Gloria Bell said, “Demetrius is ashamed that his dad doesn’t claim him. But I’ve told him it is not his fault.”
Dad Karl Malone a footnote in Demetrius Bell’s life
If you’re a fan of NBA great Karl Malone, you might change your mind when you start reading this column.
If you never heard of Buffalo Bills rookie offensive tackle Demetrius Bell, you’ll be rooting for him when I tell you his story.
Bell was a seventh-round draft pick and two-year starter at Northwestern State, the same Louisiana school that produced cornerback Terrence McGee.
Bell is the son of Malone, but the Mailman had no role in Bell’s success except passing along athletic genes.
The two have had very little contact during Bell’s life. His mother, Gloria Bell, reportedly was only 13 years old and Malone a college sophomore at Louisiana Tech when Demetrius was born. Malone might have served jail time had her family asked the district attorney to file criminal charges.
Bell didn’t even know Malone was his father until after graduating from high school. When they finally met, Malone told the 18-year-old Bell it was too late to be his father, and that Bell would have to “earn his money on his own.”
In a 1998 story in the Salt Lake (Utah) Tribune, Gloria Bell said, “Demetrius is ashamed that his dad doesn’t claim him. But I’ve told him it is not his fault.”
Malone also fathered twins while in high school. One of them is WNBA star Cheryl Ford. It took years to claim the twins, and now he and his wife, Kay, fully accept them as part of their family.
But what about Demetrius? Doesn’t he deserve the same measure of love and recognition?
I can certainly relate to Bell’s experience. I didn’t meet my father until after my 40th birthday. Our separation was under different circumstances, but I can imagine how difficult it must have been for Bell not having a connection with the man partly responsible for his existence. At least my father and I have a relationship now.
As a first-time father, I can’t understand how any man could turn his back on his own blood. There’s a word for that, and it’s appropriate: Deadbeat.
Fortunately for Bell, he’s doing just fine without Malone. Bell has clearly moved on with his life.
“All of that’s behind me right now,” Bell said during a conference call Sunday. “I feel good I made it this far. Nothing against him, but I feel good at this time. If he would’ve been there, yeah, it would’ve been good. But if not, it’s even better. Everything is a plus right now.”
Bell has come a long way as a football player in a short time. His high school didn’t have a football team, so he focused on basketball and was good enough to earn a scholarship to Northwestern State. He played in 88 games, with six starts, and was one of four Division I athletes to play basketball and football last season.
Bell didn’t play offensive tackle until three weeks before the 2006 season opener at Kansas. That was the first of his 22 consecutive starts over the last two years.
Whether Bell will stick with the Bills remains to be seen. Seventh-round picks are the long shots on a preseason roster. But a player of his athletic ability deserves a good look.
“I’ve still got room for everything,” Bell said. “I think my strongest part is pass blocking. But I’m getting stronger by the moment. That’s a plus on my stopping the bull rush. Run-blocking is always getting better when I’m adding bulk and getting stronger. And technique- wise, it’s all about the coach teaching me his technique or what technique he wants. I think it’s all on the upside.”
Here’s hoping Bell has a long and prosperous NFL career. He might never be as great in his sport as Malone was in his, but Bell has already surpassed his father as a man.
agreed. Any other person would be held accountable by some fashion.
Disgraceful. Good think we have a 15' Malone out in front of the ESA.
Good thing he didn't leave on good terms with most Jazz fans.
uhhh. Is that article about Karl's illegitimate over yet? Good night. No offense though.
Oh, and don't get us talking about past players with issues. I mean come on, didn't you guys have Scott Padget for a while? I heard he stole a pencil from a pregnant chick once....and, he used it.
I hope all you Rocket fans sleep well tonight beneath your Mindy McReady posters.
Hey C.B. Do you still have those welding tools and big ass chunk of bronze we mined a few years back/ If so, I think we need to put together ten little bronze babies and place them underneath the Malone Statue in front of the ESA. I am off Friday, what are your plans?
that was classic...
Yes I have them. But why not just use real babies and dip them in bronze? much easier.
Well, I mean, that is fine. But, where we going to round up ten spare babies without being caught? They are all under Govt. Supervision in Texas right now.
Was that mean?
Kind of. But it's still pretty freaking funny.
And really, when it comes right down to it. It's not about people's feelings, beliefs etc. It's about the humor that comes from making fun of them.
Love,
Booner
I don't know if that's entirely true Booner....
YES!!! LOL.
P.S. Hi Jesus. Sorry for what I said last night during the game.
Guys, you sure 10 will cover it? I mean we want to be as realistic as possiple right? Bakers dozen, that might be closer - but who really knows. The dipping real ones would work and the source is perfect. They won't miss 10, 20...
LOL Mark.
I beleive there is such a thing as a "Mailman's Dozen." Just can't remember how many it is. Somewhere around 30 sounds right.
It's not 30, it's Firty.
If you have a question, you can call Karl at
fee fi fo-fo fee fi fum
NOw THAT is just damn funny CB!!
Did he get a new number? Sh#% main! He didn't tell me. I still have fee fo fi- fo fi fee fo.
Ah, hell no!
Booner: Hey Karl
Karl: Who dis?
Booner: um...wrong number.
These comments are all classic. Seriously hilarious. If the boys don't win game 6 I'm cheering for the Lakers throughout the rest of the playoffs. Is that bad?
Yes Danielle, that is bad. Very bad. You might be banned from our site if you ever mention rooting for the Lakers again. That kind of talk will get you a date with Karl Malone if youre not careful.
Don't forget that Kobe is a rapist (I know it was never brought to trial, but who really believes that he did't do it besides his wife and that 10 million dollar ring?) At least all of Karl's pre and extra marital affairs were with consenting partners regardless if they were of age or not.
No disrespect to the Rockets, who I am not looking past in the least right now, but I can't wait to uleash the Kobe hating when the Jazz get to the second round. If the refs totally screw us in game 6 and then again in game 7 I will forward all of my Kobe is a rapist rants to the folks at Dream Shake.
Oh, and the comment of the year has to go to Jesus. I am going to laugh about that for months now. Perfect timing whoever you are.
Malone's 13 year old in question could not be a "consenting partner" - not even in Hawaii where the age of consent is like 14. It's also rape.
So you need to dig deeper than a lame Kobe loophole!
Danielle even the mere mention of possible support for the Fakers is a serious and punishable offence. You need to do some serious self reflection. Do NOT even think that way or I'm telling you retribution will be mine. Just say 'NO' - Or do you 'want' some punishment? Hmmm??
Are mark and danielle dating? Right here on our blog? It's like a reality TV show taking place right in our comments section...
Danielle,
I am going to agree with you. I hate the Lakers. I hate Kobe. I hate Phil. But if by some unforeseen reason the Jazz can't close this series out, I am pulling for the Lakers as well. I cannot pull for the Spurs, as I hate them more than I hate the Lakers. I cannot pull for CP3, mainly because he busted a guy in the nuts in college and never got in any trouble for it. I cannot pull for Rockets because...they're the Rockets, and you NEVER pull for the team that just beat you.
So I too will join you in pulling for the Lakers. Bring on the hater comments, but I'm sure if you all dig deep down, you'll see our way of thinking.
As for Karl. The guy is a pedophile. No way around it. I say melt the bronze and create a D-Will statue. or melt the bronze, sell it, and send the money to his kid in Buffalo.
Well I dunno are we Danielle? Single? How old? All your own teeth? How many mothers did you have? Were you asked to move to a Texas compound about 2 years ago by a whackjob "prophet" who is now in jail? And finally the most important; any thoughts of support of ANY kind for the Fakers is a deal breaker. I'm sorry but male ho sometimes describes me but even I have my standards!
Brings a whole new meaning to the nickname 'Mail man'. Or should it be 'milk man'.
Give it a few more years and Karl's kids will be able to field an entire football team.
Nice point. I will be cancelling my Winder Dairy milk delivery service this afternoon.
Karl Malone leaves nothing but hurt people in his tracks.
I think we should put a small fence around the Malone statue so kids don't get too close. Just as a precautionary measure.
The kids will be fine. Its the women you have to worry about.
"Honey, I'm pregnant"
"What!?!?! How? I pulled out every time!"
"Well, remember when we went to the Jazz game and I walked by the Karl Malone statue?"
"Ah shit! I knew we should have used the south entrance."
Oh man. I'm dying on that one.
I always notice my wife straying towards the statue when we walked into the ESA. There must be some magnetic mailman powers going on.
Creepy statue. Now I hold her hand and have her wear long dresses, no makeup, and have a big wave in front of her hair. That'll teach her.
Umm, guys. My wife has always walked out to the Winder Dairy truck to get our stuff. Generally it takes 30-45 minutes to pull our order from the shelves. Should I be concerned? Nah. I am sure it's just really packed in there.
oh yea, it's packed it alright.
Perhaps that's why your little girl is always so facinated at the cows when she comes out to the ranch?
and I though you were allergic to cows?
Daddy?
You guys are retarded. I think it is perfectly logical to root for the Lakers if the Jazz don't (but they WILL) make it out of round 1. It's much better than rooting for the Spurs or anyone associated with CP3.
Rather than root for the Fakers, Spur-flop-girls, CP-little-wee-wee, or the nob-sprockets, go for a team from the wussy (American League - pitchers can't hit,) eastern conference OR just make the switch to baseball until next fall? And retarded dear? Really? Actually I resemble that remark! Ex's always tell me that. You want to be my next Ex Danielle? They always get most all my cash and there are a few bucks still available? So... LOL, this is too much fun... (I guess until CB bans me or something.)
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