Playing psychologist for the night

Dr.: CJ, how do you feel about the new guy on the team?


CJ: Damn you Kevin O'Connor, damn you to hell!!! Just when I was starting to get out of Jerry's dog house and get some minutes you go and make a trade for a guy that is going to remind coach of Horney. I only had to play better than that dux-bag euro guy and now I have to play better than Ashton Kutcher. Oh wait, now I can go back to making up funny handshakes, this might not be too bad.


Dr.:Coach Sloan, how do you feel about the new guy on the team?


Sloan: Man am I glad that I don't have to play CJ any more. I can't stand playing 19 year olds.

The Stats:

Number of times that Lamarcus Aldridge made that spin while hooking the defender and got away with it - 49

Number of times the old Jerry Sloan would have gotten a technical because of the refs - 23

Number of wives watching the game with their husband who asked, "When did Ashton Kutcher start playing basketball?" - All of them.

Number of wives watching the game with their husband who said to themselves, "If the Jazz win and my Husband wants to "celebrate" I can think of the new guy and get through it with a smile on my face." - All of them.

Final Thoughts -

Happy new years Jazz, you are one game better than .500 and in third place in your crappy division. I am still really sceptical and bitter until I see some more consistent effort. If by the end of January you are 7 games over .500 I will put both feet back on the bandwagon.

P.S. As a good standing member in the community I can not reccomend Google searching "CJ Miles" and then clicking on the images button to search for funny picture of the Jazz star. Apparently, he has an, ummm, night job. I feel like you all need to know this.

Jazz are worse than once thought

I do think bringing in korver was a good move, but we need a better defensive stopper. Memo on defense is beyond soft. The only thing he is good for is spreading the floor on offense. Well, not any more he has lost his money shot and is now shooting I.O.U.'s which we will never be repaid on. We need to trade him before he has no stock left. Oh wait that already happened.
As a jazz fan it pains me to say this but, Chris paul has never looked so good. Deron Williams will be lucky to get a single coach's all star vote. Because he won't be getting any fan votes. I hate the Jazz right now. I agree with Boler and I too will boycott the Jazz until they are at least 5 games above 500. At least on live t.v. so I can fast forward through missed layups, lazy passes and all defensive breakdowns.

12.29.07 Jazz vs. Celtics

I refuse to put the Jazz header back up on this blog until they win a game. This is becoming unbearable. We are at .500. How pathetic is that? My depression cycle is back to stage 2 which is anger. We should not have lost this game. Here's why we lost:

1. Deron's turnovers are killing us. 7 turnovers Deron? Freaking 7 turnovers?
2. Offensive rebounds: Boston 14, Utah 6. Boston is ranked 29th in the league in offensive rebounds.
3. 68.4% Free Throw shooting by the Jazz. I shoot better than that in church ball.
4. Andrei sitting out.

and last but not least

5. We had lost mentally the minute Boston took the lead in the 4th quarter. Paul Pierce goes off for 23 in the 2nd half after having 0 in the first half.

I am just mystified as to why we are playing so poorly.

I am BITTER. And I will continue to be bitter until the Jazz are a minimum of 5 games over .500.

Good thing we have the red hot Portland Trailblazers coming to town . We can now finish the year at a respectable 16-17.

Giricek out. Korver in.

PHILADELPHIA -- The Philadelphia 76ers acquired guard Gordan Giricek and a first-round draft pick from the Utah Jazz for guard Kyle Korver on Saturday.
Giricek, 6-foot-5 shooting guard, averaged 4.3 points in 22 games for the Jazz this season and has career average of 9.8 points per game in six seasons. He recently missed three games following an argument with Jazz coach Jerry Sloan during a game, after he was kicked off the bench and sent home from the team's road trip.

"We are excited about acquiring a player of Gordan's ability, as well as an additional asset in the form of a first-round draft pick," 76ers general manager Ed Stefanski said. "This move will provide us with increased salary cap flexibility this offseason and also allows us to continue our evaluation and development of the young talent we have on this team."
Korver averaged 10.0 points in 25 games with the 76ers and was their top 3-point threat. Korver played four seasons with Philadelphia, averaging 10.5 points and shooting 42 percent.
"I want to thank Kyle for the positive impact he has made on this team and the city of Philadelphia through his play on the court and, even more importantly, his philanthropic efforts off of it," Stefanski said.
Giricek and Sloan had a heated exchange during a second-quarter timeout in Utah's Dec. 19 loss at Charlotte. Giricek, whose relationship with Sloan became strained as his playing time diminished, was sent to the locker room, then sent home, and he was not immediately reinstated. He missed eight days before returning to the team Thursday.
Giricek met with Sloan and Jazz GM Kevin O'Connor on Thursday. At the time, all said they would move forward and focus on the future. None of them would discuss the details of their meeting.

12.28.07 Jazz @ Lakers

I'm not even going to waste my time writing about this game. You shouldn't even be wasting your time reading this. Find a new hobby, read your scriptures, shovel your neighbors walk, or become a Lakers fan; all of these options won't make you think about suicide.

2006 Jazz vs. Mavs

Last year I had the chance to be the RC Willey Guest Photographer of the game during the Mavs vs. Jazz game. It was cool to sit on the floor and hear the game up close. Here are a few of the pictures I took. Just some of my favorites. Enjoy.

My personal Favorite. What are you doing Dirk?

12.26.07 Jazz vs. Mavs

1st Half:

Well I can't think of anything negative to say about the first quarter. This is the first time in a long time that I felt like the Jazz were the better team out on the court. Jumping out to a 16-0 lead set the tone for the game. I think about half of the people who had tickets for this game were waiting outside to see how the Jazz came out. The minute they started strong the stadium filled up quickly. I don't blame them. Why go to watch a struggling Jazz game when you can walk over to Gateway and stand in the ice cold water fountain and freeze your boys off just to punish yourself for purchasing tickets to the Jazz?

The 2nd quarter wasn't quite as smooth for the Jazzers. Dallas dropped into a 1-2-2 zone and really put the clamps down on our boys holding them to only 18 points (the Jazz scored 11 of those points in the last 3 minutes of the quarter).

2nd Half:

I love the way AK was playing this game. I can't believe I'm going to type this, but I actually have felt really good about him launching jumpshots and three's the past two games. He looked confident in the Miami game and it continued tonight. You can actually see the difference in his ball rotation and his follow through (I'm not a shooting coach, just a run of the mill church ball player). If he can continue to keep his confidence up and make outside shots, his game will improve because the defense will have to respect his pump fakes.

I was glad to see Memo back out tonight. As much as I was calling for his head, it was refreshing to see us at almost full strength. I thought he played a good game for coming off a 7 game recovery.

Jazz did a nice job of holding off Josh Howard and Jason Terry (0-10 for the game by the way). Dirk got his but I think for the most part, the majority of the Mavs starters were held under their season averages. A nice win for the Jazz. They needed this one bad, really bad.

Final Score: Jazz 99 Mavs 90

For the record: I'm still not a CJ Miles fan, so don't think you'll be converting me anytime soon.

Thoughts on Gira: The Jazz need to cut ties and get out of a contract while they can. I am all for trading him for a 2nd round pick and cash considerations. We're going to need the cash for Millsap and Williams. I have been a Gira supporter in the past (I have a "friend" who is looking to get rid of a #10 Jazz jersey for the right price, just contact me...er him, with an offer). Don't forget how big of a role he played in the Houston series last year. He just shows flashed of the player he could be, but I don't see him turning it around here, especially with Jerry at the helm. Now is a great time to bring Morris Almond into the mix and start giving him some scrub minutes (Hope you all saw that he dropped 51 in a game last week and he leads the D-League in scoring).

Gira's Gone

It is amazing how good a team can do when the cancer is gone. I am in no way saying he is the only reason we were losing but, I do think team chemistry has a lot to do with it. I really hope the Jazz can run off a couple wins to get a little bit of momentum.
The Jazz at this point need to focus on the playoffs instead of the western conference finals. I will have to say I was sold on them until this losing streak. It makes me wonder how good we are. Once the rest of the league realized are defense was soft it was lights out.
I still love the jazz and will continue to watch these kids grow and develop.

The Whis

12.19.07 Jazz @ Bobcats

Let me start by being completely honest. I watched this game on DVR on purpose because there was no way I could stomach another loss in real time. No real highlights to speak of other than I enjoyed Papa Boozer sitting with the talking heads. It was the most exciting thing I've seen in a Jazz game since the "Quick Changers" at halftime.

I want you to know the only reason I am blogging about this game is because I have to do something to keep my sanity.

Doesn't Ronnie look like he is about to cry in this picture. Don't worry Ron Ron, I'm crying with you. When did Gerald Wallace become the reincarnated Celtics of the 80's? Shoots like Bird, dribbles like Ainge, blocks like Parrish, plays defense like McHale. I hope the Jazz are getting Christmas Cards from all of these mediocre fools who turn in to All-Stars against us. Here is what a few recent cards could say:

Dear Jazzers,

Merry Christmas! Thanks for the opportunity to play in the All-Star game this season. I appreaciate your complete utter lack of defense. Cheers,

Josh Howard

Or this one:

Querido Jazz de Utah,

De agredezco por no guardarme en mis siete anos aqui en el NBA. Espero ver les de nuevo porque asi puedo notar un juego con 60 puntos. Feliz Navidad!

Manu Ginobli

Or a Team Card:

Dear city of Utah,

Thanks for the Division. Finally we are able to win a division despite being the second best team in the Northwest. We have enclosed a box of headbands for you to wear as a team so at least when you're on ESPN people think you're us. Peace out wiggas!

Denver Nuggets

Five Stages Of Grief
1. Denial and Isolation: After the San Antonio game I figured it was over and this was a fluke.
2. Anger: The first loss to Portland. How do you lose this game at home? Pathetic.
3. Bargaining: The Phoenix loss was labeled as a "good loss". "They are just such a good team". Who were we kidding? There is no good losses.
4. Depression: The second Portland loss started me on this stage, and the Hawks loss solidified it.
5. Acceptance: Tonight after losing to the Bobcats I realized we really are a .500 team. Deron has no will to live and has handed his All-Star ticket to Chris Paul . Brewer and AK were once defensive specialists and now are average at best. The Giricek incident was classic. We have fallen apart. This is rock bottom for me. I actually miss Memo.

Let us not lose hope. Following Booners lead, the words of Dwight Shrute:

BLOOD ALONE MOVES THE WHEELS OF HISTORY! [pause] Have you ever asked yourselves in an hour of meditation - which everyone finds during the day - how long we have been striving for greatness? [bangs fist] Not only the years we've been at war – the war of work – but from the moment as a child, when we realize the world could be conquered. It has been a lifetime struggle [bangs fists again] a never-ending fight, I say to you [bangs again] and you will understand that it is a privilege to fight. WE ARE WARRIORS! [applause] Bloggers of MY UTAH JAZZ DOT BLOGSPOT DOT COM, I ask you once more rise and be worthy of this historical hour. [even bigger applause as Dwight gives a horrible sounding laugh] No revolution is worth anything unless it can defend itself. Some people will tell you Jazz is a bad word. They’ll conjure up images of used car dealers (no offense Booner), and door to door charlatans (Hey Elders). This is our duty to change their perception. I say, Jazzmen– and women – of the world... unite! We must never acquiesce, for it is together... TOGETHER THAT WE PREVAIL. WE MUST NEVER CEDE CONTROL OF THE MOTHERLAND...Audience: ...FOR IT IS TOGETHER THAT WE PREVAIL!

Santa

Dear Santa,

I know that you’re little busy this time of season but as you can see our TEAM moral has hit an all-time low…Now I know people never ask or thank Santa for winning games, but maybe its time. I think the Jazz should try changing things up and ask for your help…Obviously defense, free-throw shooting, passing or basically the fundamentals are not working. Santa kids wish for cell phones, Ipods, Wii’s or anything that’s over $200(wishing I was a kid again), but as adults we want two things.. 1) Nookie(sorry but its true). 2) Jazz to play hard, plain and simple. Santa the problem is number two is really putting a damper on number one, don’t ask me why. So, Santa if you could find the time to help all Jazz Blogger’s this season we in return will bring down the Alamo…Thanks Santa.

Tumble Weeds...

Thanks for nothing Jazz. Not only have you ruined our hopes and dreams...

you've ruined friendships and hours of countless blogging. Oh and you've ruined Christmas. In the words of Michael Scott...mingled with my own, "Happy Birthday Jesus.....sorry the Jazz are so lame."

The Seasons Over!

Two Pics to describe our night:

1. Here is how we felt after watching our Jazz drop their 6th straight.

2. Here is how our wives felt about us watching the Jazz drop their 6th straight.

If that's not a lose-lose situation, then I don't know what is. Thanks for the memories Jazz. Let me know when you decide to play like a team that gives a damn.

Booner

Look - Its Brock, Gentry, Mitch and JR on You Tube

I swear you guys did this in Jr. High.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HRxt_lVV-Zk

Wake me when its over

Well, I am officially on strike. At least we lost that game because of turn overs and bad foul shooting instead of no effort on defense (until the 4th quarter). I feel like the jazz are trying to see how many different ways they can loose in a row. I have nothing more to say than Ugghh and Sighhhh...........

Pass the Prozak,

Boozers Hammy

12.11.07 Jazz vs. Trailblazers

The Jazz have put me in a full blown depression. Thanks Jazzercizers.

1st Half

Depressing

2nd Half

More Depressing

Final Score: Jazz 89 Duxblazers 97

<---- Number of times I felt like this guy tonight: too many to count.

The Best Names in the Game

While we are talking about bad names for sport stars may I submit the best top 10 list ever:

http://www.flumesday.com/111206dirtynames2.shtml

Check out the other lists at the bottom of the article for even more fun.

Have a good day!

and on an unrelated note......

Sorry this has nothing to do with the Jazz but, how are they going to pronounce this guys name:

http://sports.espn.go.com/mlb/news/story?id=3149131

Booner

Debbie Downer

I realize I am kicking every Jazz fan while they are down, but this is the only way I get to vent. I tried to vent my Jazz frustrations on my wife but after thirty minutes of straight venting all she had to say was...."I didn't know you even liked Jazz music."
Anyway, one thing I have learned over the last week is that we just aren't a championship caliber team yet. I really though we might have been but after losing to the Kings, Spurs and Mavs the way we did, I just don't think we are there yet. Maybe I should not have held them on such a pedestal, but I did....only to have the pedestal kicked right out from underneath them.
So, from here on out I am lowering my expectations. Probably too low actually. I am not counting on winning the division, but a good second place finish coupled with a 6th or 7th playoff seed will do.
R.I.P Old expectations, you will be missed.
P.S. Here are my thoughts on last week. (There is some positive stuff here so if you haven't already slit your wrists, continue on.)

Positive Thoughts:
1. Deron Williams is the sh*#!
2. I might get tix to tomorrow nights game
3. We are still in the top ten of this weeks Power Rankings....meeting my expectations:
http://sports.espn.go.com/nba/powerranking?season=2008&week=6
4. Boozer is good too

Negative Thoughts:
1. I hate Manu the Flopper
2. See ya Memo.
3. Manu is a Dux
4. I do not wish injuries on many, but I hope Manu blows his knee out flopping and never plays basketball again.
5. I might not get tix to tomorrow nights game

Mixed Thoughts:
If Manu is available, we should try and get him.

Seasons Greetings,

Booner

12.9.07 Jazz @ Mavericks

Deron Williams - PG - Utah Jazz

He has officially arrived at NBA Super Stardom

I don't think any of us really thought the Jazz were going to win this game, especially after the loss to the Spurs the night before. However the last two games have shown us that the Jazz are lucky enough to have a legitimate NBA Super Star. The losses will come and go, but I am pumped like never before to see Deron becoming an elite PG right before our eyes. I actually loved watching this game because Deron just took over. I know there were a lot of things wrong with the Jazz, but I love watching Deron Williams play. I've been converted. Go Jazz and Go Deron.

Final Score: Utah 117 Mavs 125

Trade Memo

I need to get this off my chest

1 - Eff you refs! (47 free throws for the Kings, 22 for the Jazz.)
2 - Eff you John Salmons! (You are not that good, just got lucky lst night.)
3 - Eff you Ron Artest! (He's just a dux bag.)
4 - Eff you the guy sitting behind Boler and Boone all night saying "In your face Sloan" so loud that everyone could hear it!
5 - Eff you Brad Miller! (You are not black, stop wearing corn-rows and head bands. http://img516.imageshack.us/img516/2643/bradmillercornwy5.jpg)
6 - Eff you Jazz defensive effort! (Thanks for not even trying to stop somebody last night)

OK, now I feel a little better. However, I am officially scared to see what happens against San Antonio if that is how the Jazz are going to be playing on this road trip. I hope Sloan lights them up like Temple Square at practice today. I bet he breaks the all time record for most F-bombs in a sentence. And just when I thouhgt that bench might be okay, they get hammered by John Salmons and Francisco Garcia.

Welcome Back Memo!

Good win for the Jazz last night. Although I was disappointed the Fezanator was not there, at least Memo decided to show up. Booze looked great too. I can't believe he actually played. Very Malone-esque wouldn't you say. I wonder if I should make a public apology for land blasting the guy the year he sat out. I thought it was a conspiracy and that he wanted nothing to do with Utah and their Mormon ways...but he has stepped it up and proven me wrong. Sorry Booze, I just got scared.
Anyway, on to tonight's game at Sacramento. I'm a little worried because these are the games we always struggle with. K. Martin is going to score his typical 60 on us but I feel we can pull it off. It will be stressful though (not near as stressful as my Pats last night. Thanks Pats for giving me two ulcers, three cankers and a nice hole in the living room wall.)
Anyway, my prediction Jazz 103-Queens 102. I'm already stressing about it. Dear Whistle, AKA Mr. Anxiety, don't watch this one. Or if you do, I would start popping the Zoloft.

Let's Do This - Booner

I love YouTube almost as much as I love the Jazz!

First of all, sorry for the no-show on the Blog over the last few days. I've just been busy with the Holiday's, Work, Shingles, Pregnant Wife, Porn, Scouts etc. Just been really busy. But any who, I'm committed to the Blog this week and there is no better way to start my commitment to the Jazz this week than with another YouTube clip...that has nothing to do with the Jazz.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fQ3xO3WsIAU

I'm going to be honest, I have seen a lot of YouTube Video's but this one just made it to the top of my list. (Well, with the exception of the Squirrel Water Skiing or the Bulldog Skateboarding.)
But this is also why College Basketball will always have more passion than the NBA. The fact you have kids who care about the game so much that they choose to eat their own booger other than simply blowing it on the court like most NBA Pre-Madonna's do. Just Classic. Can't wait for March.

And now, on to the real reason for this Blog, our Utah Jazz. I don't know about you but this season just feels like a Pure Adrenaline Rush. Loved the Lakers game. Very impressed that we did that without the Booze Hound. I will be honest when I heard Booze was out, I said to myself, I won't be watching that game. So, very impressed to say the least. I know I am two days late on responding to this game so I will wrap up the old news but leave you with my favorite clips from the game.

1. How can we ever get rid of this guy???
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s7LKsdSaqes

2. Sit down Fish.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v86unERCs14

Late,
Booner

ha-ha Kobe

If you tivo-ed that game last night, I suggest you keep it. That was maybe the closest thing you will ever see to perfect offensive basketball being played. Especially the first half. Just a few stats to back up my claim of perfection.

In the first half, the Jazz scored 70 points and only three buckets were made from outside the paint. If you minus the free throws I think that they had a total of about 50 points in the paint for the first half. I dont think the Jazz stopped their pre-game layup line, it just continued right into the real game. For the entire game the Jazz scored on 7 shots outside the paint and 4 three pointers for a total of 26 points. They also made 24 free throws so if you add the jump shot points and free throws together you get a total of 50 points. That means that the Jazz scored 70 points in the paint for the game. I just could not get over how easy it was for the Jazz to get inside on those pansies.

A few thoughts on D. Fisher's return. I am glad that he is not on our team now. He is no better than Jason Hart and we save a ton of money for D-Will. I really loved watching Derron fake him once or twice and then leave his old ass sitting at the three point line while he was scoring another bucket in the paint. That double cross over move D-Will is putting on guys is just sick.

One last thing, can we officially put Collins to sleep and let Fess take the back up center minutes? I was giggling with pure joy when he was in the game. He basically is a perfect fit for what the Jazz need down low. I am officially in Man-Crush mode with that guy. I will be interested to see if gets to stay up with the big boys for the rest of the season. I bet the owner of the Flash just threw up in his mouth watching his big money player do so well. They may as well scrap their entire marketing plan because I dont think Fess will be with them much.

Boler Was Right

How about this Fez kid? I watched him a little with a D-team. He is a lot stronger than I thought he would be. I loved the unselfish pass on the fast break where he could of thrown it down, but he dished it to C.J. "The Handshake" Miles. Who does that anymore? That's right no one. I love this guy and his team first attitude. I also loved the post game interview with his shirt off. But, Ak stole the show. He has never looked happier than he did out there. Deron was great as expected. Milsap Played like an 8 footer. All around great game. Not to sound gay, but I had the I'm proud of these guys chills the whole game. I really think the Jazz should think about Memo's future with the team. This year he has had one good game.

Here's to the Jazz playing awesome, referee's falling down, Brewer licking his lips, Gordon on the bench, and the Jazz winning the title.